A Dieter’s Prayer

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Whoever wrote the Dieter’s Prayer, it made me chuckle! How often do we give in to the temptations of sweetened carbs and tasty fats? Only a Goliath’s will could help us resist, we thought.

But let me let you on to a secret … once you start cultivating right eating habits, your body will naturally wean itself from poor carbs and killer fats. The side-effects of right eating habits? You’ll find donuts and cream, cookies and cakes less irresistable as before. You’ll notice too that your body naturally yearns for healthier, more nutritious foods!

If you’re exploring RightEatingHabits.com for the first time and looking for permanent solutions to healthy weight loss and better health, you’re at the right place.

Now, for The Dieter’s Prayer …

Lord, my soul is ripped with riot
incited by my wicked diet.

“We Are What We Eat,” said a wise old man!
Lord, if that’s true, I’m a garbage can.
To rise on Judgment Day, it’s plain!
With my present weight, I’ll need a crane.

So grant me strength, that I may not fall
into the clutches of cholesterol.
May my flesh with carrot-curls be dated,
that my soul may be poly unsaturated.

And show me the light, that I may bear witness
to the President’s Council on Physical Fitness.
And at oleo margarine I’ll never mutter,
for the road to Hell is spread with butter.

And cream is cursed; and cake is awful;
and Satan is hiding in every waffle.
Mephistopheles lurks in provolone;
the Devil is in each slice of baloney,

Beelzebub is a chocolate drop,
and Lucifer is a lollipop.
Give me this day my daily slice
Cut it thin and toast it twice.

I beg upon my dimpled knees,
deliver me from jujube’s.
And when my days of trial are done,
and my war with malted milk is won,
Let me stand with Heavenly throng,
In a shining robe — size 30 long.
I can do it Lord, if you’ll show to me,
the virtues of lettuce and celery.

Teach me the evil of mayonnaise,
And of pasta a la Milanese
and crisp-fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, shut my mouth.

Amen